by far, the hardest part of the last eight months…
was not finding a guy to love, or losing the guy i love.
it was not being lost in love, or losing love at all.
it was not knowing i’ll see his face again.
it was not knowing i’ll see him smile.
it was not knowing that i’ll see him happy without me.
it was crossing the border on my own.
it was reminiscing about a man who meant so much more
to me than the guy ever will.
it was knowing i’ll never see him smile again.
it was knowing i’ll never hug him again.
it was knowing that he’s gone.
it was seeing the places so familiar, so fresh, still so full of life.
it was knowing that the city will always be a place
of sad memories, memories that will be forever fresh.
i thought this loss brought me something more
i was selfish, i’ll admit that, and it did for awhile.
i guess long enough for me to realize my own strength.
it was hard to see everything on my own,
to remember that memories shared are sad ones.
it was knowing that he was going to do better for US
for a strong community of 2000+
to strengthen the bond with other nations.
the hardest part was definitely crossing the border,
knowing the first time we were bringing him home to rest.
knowing this last time i was there was to bring my family home safely.
knowing that all my memories will stay strong, and sting even more
because that’s on my mind every day.
not a single day goes by that he’s not on my mind.
i don’t know how i survive, but i believe he’s with me every day
pushing me to carry on. telling me life goes on.
i believe he brought me to the guy i love.
to help me carry on, to be my shoulder to cry on.
to be the reason for my laughter, and my smile.
yes, it’s all gone, he’s no longer there.
but that’s not hard on my heart, because i can get him back
what i can’t get back is the man who brought me to my guy.
that’s what’s hard. always on my mind & in my heart mr. doubtfire. <3
